Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
