I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
