he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
