I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
