We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
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