i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
