Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
