Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
