its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
