Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
