You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
