I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
