im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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