i don't like sucking hair
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
