Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
