yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
