Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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