Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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