Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
