Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
