Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
