tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
