I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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