i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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