Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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