that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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