the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
