dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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