Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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