Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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