Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
