I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
