Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
