i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
