Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
