Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
