lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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