1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Farmville is her only friend.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
