How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
