I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
