He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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