explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
