We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
