Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
