You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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