If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i think my cat just said my name.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
