I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
