Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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