If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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