I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
