He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
